I am going to go way out on a precarious limb and talk about parenting teens, while still in the midst of this great joyous and painful experience. A popular psychologist and speaker on family issues once said that raising teenagers is like nailing jello to a wall-- in a word, frustrating. When I was awaiting my number one child, I had heard so many horror stories about those teen years that the first book I bought was one on parenting teens. I guess I had an inkling that there was a key component here that is universal in all stages of life; the title of the book—How to Really Love Your Teen. The book was helpful and I still draw on its wise words. But there is another book that is completely invaluable. The Gospels are a wealth of timeless parenting advice. What more can we do for our kids than love them like Jesus loves us?
The story of the rich young man (Mark 10:17-22) is a teaching on letting go of earthly attachments, but hidden in its words is a teaching on parenting so beautiful that it brings tears to my eyes. This young man was a really good kid and he had a desire to be close to God, and yet when Jesus told him the next step—give up everything he had-- he could not take it and walked away sadly. The parenting point here lies in Jesus’ response. Existing out of time, Jesus knew that the young man would not follow through. And yet, he looked at him with love. … and he let him walk away without a scolding.
Teens are standing at the brink of adulthood. This is essentially what is frustrating. They are capable of making adult decisions and choices. All the same, they will at times make childlike decisions and choices. Then there are the choices that come from some hormonal netherworld that no one understands, including teens themselves. I remember being fourteen and standing before my mother greatly desiring her help on some school work. I remember distinctly the war within me—as much as I wanted her help, I could not accept it. She was irritating me to my bone marrow. She responded by turning me loose, and I became one of the original unschooled teenagers of the seventies. Fortunately I loved to learn so it worked out for me.
I am not made of the stern stuff my little German mother possessed. I can’t cut my kids loose like this and our household has witnessed many a “to the mat” struggle, will against will. The times when we all win are those when I lift it up to God and give way. You really have to pick your battles. God created us with free will and he wants us to use it freely. Teens are learning to use their free will and too many fences don’t make for freedom.
There are two extremes of parenting. Being too light handed is essentially giving up on them when they still really need guidance. Over-parenting, exacting punishments for every little infraction, micro-managing, suffocates them. Every parent tends toward either extreme at times, but there is a lot of area that works in between. Here are some little insights I have gained over the last few years. Forgive your children and ask forgiveness as needed. Don’t be self-righteous. Teens need to know “why” not just “what.” Listen to them; they have real things to say. They are not an extension of their parents, but individuals. They will make mistakes, but almost any mistake can be fixed, and it is precisely when they are in the midst of a mess that they need the most love. Pray and pray some more. If they learn to love and be loved, you have taught them the most important lesson of all.
Now that I have written all this, here I am out on the limb. I can guarantee that within the next twenty four hours we will have an experience in our household that proves I can’t follow my own advice.
Some of the wisest words I have ever heard, were from a dear friend of mine. She talked about how much she worried when her boys were old enough to drive. Then one day she realized that as much as she loved them, God loved them more. (Thanks, Deanna)
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Friday, December 25, 2009
Look at Him!
Christmas 2007
This year our local theater brought to the stage The Best Christmas
Pageant Ever. The story is a classic, the theme being the clash between
believers and the so-called ignorant. The outcome is a muddying of
the lines between the two. The Herdmanns are a family of miscreants who
descend upon the church to take over the annual Christmas pageant, much to
the dismay of the fastidious church regulars. They are treated to their first time
through the Christmas story and end up with the leading roles, Mary,
Joseph, angels and wisemen. Looking at the story from their totally fresh
standpoint and interpreting the roles in brand new ways ends up lending the
show the title, The Best Ever.
A favorite is Gladys Herdmann’s angel. This angel is not satisfied with
proclaiming “Rejoice!” in King James’ best English. She adds some splash fitting
such an event. “Shazammmm!!!” is her announcement. Then determined that
no one will miss the stupendous happening in the cow barn, she yells at the
hesitant shepherds, “Hey, hey!! Unto you a child is born. It’s Jesus, and he’s
there in the barn! Right there! LOOK AT HIM!”
Maybe we need this kind of John the Baptist approach today. Christians who
should know better often get numbed by the hustle of the holiday and forget
the reason.
The magic of God become Man—not in the sense of the occult, but in the
sense of that which is beyond human power or understanding or imagination---is
reflected in everything we do during this season. The lights, the gifts, the baking
are all symbolic of that Great Miracle and Gift. Sans God, these holiday activities
are only futile, frenzied attempts to satisfy a hunger for God.
Listen to the old carols, written back when people didn’t have so much stuff
getting between them and the Baby. I especially love, “O Holy Night!”
“The stars are brightly shining, it is the night of the Dear Savior’s birth. Long
lay the world in sin and error pining, till he appeared and the soul felt its worth.
A thrill of hope, the weary world rejoices, for yonder breaks a new and glorious
morn.”
What tells us of our great worth, brings true joy and the eternal hope of a
new beginning? Not stuff, not goodies, not loaded eggnog, not more speed,
power, money or sex. God coming to earth to be born in poverty of a woman,
and dying on the cross for each one of us is how we know our worth.
That is why we are so profoundly sad when our lives are not filled with love,
when we are labeled as worthless by those around us or feel this way from
events in our lives. This love is most fulfilled when it is given in return. A life not spent in giving is cold as a tomb.
Christians, stop and look at Him. Listen closely to the old carols. Falling
love again. Non-Christians, a challenge, stop using the behavior of individual
Christians as an excuse to avoid Christ—look at Him, discover Him for yourselves.
Everyone—just stop and LOOK AT HIM!!!
This year our local theater brought to the stage The Best Christmas
Pageant Ever. The story is a classic, the theme being the clash between
believers and the so-called ignorant. The outcome is a muddying of
the lines between the two. The Herdmanns are a family of miscreants who
descend upon the church to take over the annual Christmas pageant, much to
the dismay of the fastidious church regulars. They are treated to their first time
through the Christmas story and end up with the leading roles, Mary,
Joseph, angels and wisemen. Looking at the story from their totally fresh
standpoint and interpreting the roles in brand new ways ends up lending the
show the title, The Best Ever.
A favorite is Gladys Herdmann’s angel. This angel is not satisfied with
proclaiming “Rejoice!” in King James’ best English. She adds some splash fitting
such an event. “Shazammmm!!!” is her announcement. Then determined that
no one will miss the stupendous happening in the cow barn, she yells at the
hesitant shepherds, “Hey, hey!! Unto you a child is born. It’s Jesus, and he’s
there in the barn! Right there! LOOK AT HIM!”
Maybe we need this kind of John the Baptist approach today. Christians who
should know better often get numbed by the hustle of the holiday and forget
the reason.
The magic of God become Man—not in the sense of the occult, but in the
sense of that which is beyond human power or understanding or imagination---is
reflected in everything we do during this season. The lights, the gifts, the baking
are all symbolic of that Great Miracle and Gift. Sans God, these holiday activities
are only futile, frenzied attempts to satisfy a hunger for God.
Listen to the old carols, written back when people didn’t have so much stuff
getting between them and the Baby. I especially love, “O Holy Night!”
“The stars are brightly shining, it is the night of the Dear Savior’s birth. Long
lay the world in sin and error pining, till he appeared and the soul felt its worth.
A thrill of hope, the weary world rejoices, for yonder breaks a new and glorious
morn.”
What tells us of our great worth, brings true joy and the eternal hope of a
new beginning? Not stuff, not goodies, not loaded eggnog, not more speed,
power, money or sex. God coming to earth to be born in poverty of a woman,
and dying on the cross for each one of us is how we know our worth.
That is why we are so profoundly sad when our lives are not filled with love,
when we are labeled as worthless by those around us or feel this way from
events in our lives. This love is most fulfilled when it is given in return. A life not spent in giving is cold as a tomb.
Christians, stop and look at Him. Listen closely to the old carols. Falling
love again. Non-Christians, a challenge, stop using the behavior of individual
Christians as an excuse to avoid Christ—look at Him, discover Him for yourselves.
Everyone—just stop and LOOK AT HIM!!!
What is a Christian?
The simplistic answer to this question is that a Christian is a believer and follower of Jesus the Christ. This is a comforting but rather broad statement. Some clarification is in order. The Christian believes in the Triune God; that is, one God in three Divine persons, Father, Son and Holy Spirit---the Trinity. He believes that God is pure love and all merciful. The Christian believes that humanity, while created for God, was separated from God through a free choice for sin, and is in need of a healer. That healer is Jesus, who lived a teaching, guiding life and died a redeeming death on a cross. Christians are a people of the Resurrection, believing that Jesus rose from the dead, to conquer the death of sin eternally. All basic Christian doctrines are contingent upon each other and cannot be fully authentic if taken separately.
What are the outward signs of a Christian? A Christian is baptized in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. A Christian follows Christ according to the plan laid down in a book called the Holy Bible. A Christian is confident in God’s forgiveness of sin when confessed with true sorrow. A Christian keeps in contact with God on a daily basis through prayers of praise, petition, thanksgiving and contrition for sin.
A Christian should be identifiable by his lifestyle. Many Faith Forum writers have illustrated details of a Christian life. An Episcopal priest recently wrote about loving others through simple things, as simple as driving courteously. Unconditional love is central to the Christian faith.
A young pastor I know who shepherds a local Christian Fellowship, always shows a passion for the Word of God, and a willingness to read and share it without reservation. Christians are called to share the message of Christ. This is something which is politically incorrect in today’s world, but it is our commission.
A couple of other writers in our local papers religious forum have dispelled myths about Christians. The pastor of the Nazarene church often illustrates that a Christian does not have to be uptight, but can enjoy the good things in life—like motorcycle riding and traditional holidays. The pastor of the Assembly of God has shown numerous times that Christians do not avoid intellectual questions of science or philosophy but see these as gifts from God. A Christian rejoices in the study of God’s Creation.
Some folk are confused by the Christian concept of sin. Although Christians strive to live in a way that shows unconditional love, they accept that sin is a damaging reality in our lives. A Christian must be honest about this and while not condemning others for their lifestyle, cannot be anything but objective in avoiding a sinful lifestyle, as directed in the Word of God.
Now a Catholic Christian is all of the above, and in addition, believes that the Bible shows clearly that Christ established a church with a sacred priesthood and a sacramental system. Central to the Catholic faith is a belief that Christ, the night before he died, gave us a commission to commemorate his death and resurrection, (the Mass) and gave us a gratuitous gift for our spiritual sustenance—his Flesh and Blood under the appearance of bread and wine, to be administered by a priesthood until the end of time.
What are the outward signs of a Christian? A Christian is baptized in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. A Christian follows Christ according to the plan laid down in a book called the Holy Bible. A Christian is confident in God’s forgiveness of sin when confessed with true sorrow. A Christian keeps in contact with God on a daily basis through prayers of praise, petition, thanksgiving and contrition for sin.
A Christian should be identifiable by his lifestyle. Many Faith Forum writers have illustrated details of a Christian life. An Episcopal priest recently wrote about loving others through simple things, as simple as driving courteously. Unconditional love is central to the Christian faith.
A young pastor I know who shepherds a local Christian Fellowship, always shows a passion for the Word of God, and a willingness to read and share it without reservation. Christians are called to share the message of Christ. This is something which is politically incorrect in today’s world, but it is our commission.
A couple of other writers in our local papers religious forum have dispelled myths about Christians. The pastor of the Nazarene church often illustrates that a Christian does not have to be uptight, but can enjoy the good things in life—like motorcycle riding and traditional holidays. The pastor of the Assembly of God has shown numerous times that Christians do not avoid intellectual questions of science or philosophy but see these as gifts from God. A Christian rejoices in the study of God’s Creation.
Some folk are confused by the Christian concept of sin. Although Christians strive to live in a way that shows unconditional love, they accept that sin is a damaging reality in our lives. A Christian must be honest about this and while not condemning others for their lifestyle, cannot be anything but objective in avoiding a sinful lifestyle, as directed in the Word of God.
Now a Catholic Christian is all of the above, and in addition, believes that the Bible shows clearly that Christ established a church with a sacred priesthood and a sacramental system. Central to the Catholic faith is a belief that Christ, the night before he died, gave us a commission to commemorate his death and resurrection, (the Mass) and gave us a gratuitous gift for our spiritual sustenance—his Flesh and Blood under the appearance of bread and wine, to be administered by a priesthood until the end of time.
Grace and Wilde
Grace is like the air that we breathe. We cannot see it, but we can feel it and we cannot have eternal Life without it. Grace is “….. the free and undeserved help that God gives us to respond to his call to become children of God…..partakers of the divine nature and of eternal life…it surpasses the power of human intellect and will…is infused by the Holy Spirit into our soul to heal it of sin and to sanctify it.” (Catechism of the Catholic Church 1994)
Sometimes we want to be the purveyors of grace ourselves. We make judgments about others based on our perception of their lifestyle, and we make judgments upon ourselves based on our self-hatred. We forget that every single person on this earth, past, present and future, has been bought at the same price---the oblation of God’s son, and we forget that God our loving Father does not will even one soul to be lost forever. Some people undoubtedly reject the gift of grace and end up lost. And yet, we must remain ever hopeful and mindful of God’s mercy and of our part in his plan.
Oscar Wilde, 19th century Irish author of great ability, made an enduring name for himself as a man who stepped outside of his time in terms of his sexual lifestyle. His autobiographical novel, The Picture of Dorian Gray, tells the story of a young man, groomed into a promiscuous lifestyle through the enchantment of an older man. Self-love was his weakness and he fell to the sirens of hedonism. Wilde himself, became predatory in seeking youthful partners to satisfy his addiction. While being the eccentric and intelligent darling of the artsy population, he was not a happy person. Insights into his soul are to be found in his novel and in his poetry. Wilde lived in the spiritual agony which Paul hinted at, bemoaning the willingness of his spirit and the weakness of his flesh.
After spending some time in jail, Wilde walked away from his life, spending his last three years in isolation. He had a close Christian friend who refused to take him seriously when he requested some support in seeking out the Church for help. Eventually, a young priest found his way to the dying man’s bedside and shepherded him back to peace with God. The point is, Christians should be there for their friends, ready to help nurture with Christ’s love, any stirring of grace in that person’s soul.
“Come down, O Christ and help me! Reach thy hand, for I am drowning in a stormier sea than Simon on thy lake of Galilee: the wine of life is spilt upon the sand, My heart is as some famine murdered land, Whence all good things have perished utterly, and well I know my soul in Hell must lie, If I this night before God’s throne should stand….Nay peace, I shall behold , before the night,, the feet of brass, the robe more white than flame, the wounded hands, the weary human face.” E Tenebris, Wilde
Sometimes we want to be the purveyors of grace ourselves. We make judgments about others based on our perception of their lifestyle, and we make judgments upon ourselves based on our self-hatred. We forget that every single person on this earth, past, present and future, has been bought at the same price---the oblation of God’s son, and we forget that God our loving Father does not will even one soul to be lost forever. Some people undoubtedly reject the gift of grace and end up lost. And yet, we must remain ever hopeful and mindful of God’s mercy and of our part in his plan.
Oscar Wilde, 19th century Irish author of great ability, made an enduring name for himself as a man who stepped outside of his time in terms of his sexual lifestyle. His autobiographical novel, The Picture of Dorian Gray, tells the story of a young man, groomed into a promiscuous lifestyle through the enchantment of an older man. Self-love was his weakness and he fell to the sirens of hedonism. Wilde himself, became predatory in seeking youthful partners to satisfy his addiction. While being the eccentric and intelligent darling of the artsy population, he was not a happy person. Insights into his soul are to be found in his novel and in his poetry. Wilde lived in the spiritual agony which Paul hinted at, bemoaning the willingness of his spirit and the weakness of his flesh.
After spending some time in jail, Wilde walked away from his life, spending his last three years in isolation. He had a close Christian friend who refused to take him seriously when he requested some support in seeking out the Church for help. Eventually, a young priest found his way to the dying man’s bedside and shepherded him back to peace with God. The point is, Christians should be there for their friends, ready to help nurture with Christ’s love, any stirring of grace in that person’s soul.
“Come down, O Christ and help me! Reach thy hand, for I am drowning in a stormier sea than Simon on thy lake of Galilee: the wine of life is spilt upon the sand, My heart is as some famine murdered land, Whence all good things have perished utterly, and well I know my soul in Hell must lie, If I this night before God’s throne should stand….Nay peace, I shall behold , before the night,, the feet of brass, the robe more white than flame, the wounded hands, the weary human face.” E Tenebris, Wilde
Fishy People
Faith Forum
My nephew just bought his first car, a sweet little Toyota truck. I am very proud of him. He is a very conscientious, oldest child, a hard worker, who never complains when people ask him for help. As a young driver, he will not give his mother too much headache, I think.
I noticed that the previous owners had adhered a metallic fish to the tailgate. The fish appeared to be your usual fish, simple and, well, fish like, proclaiming the driver a Christian. Then, I realized that it was really a rack of bones. Is that the anti-Christ fish? Or maybe the Nietzsche fish---God is dead. Interesting.
What is this with the fish? The simple fish says, I am a Christian. You have the Darwin fish—which, my best guess, says I am not a Christian, I am a Darwinist. Then there is the Big Jesus fish eating the Darwin fish. There’s a thought. I have also seen a big fish with shark fins. Not sure what that is…There is also the dead Darwin fish. I really like the alien fish. It seems to say, “ Lighten up everyone. “ If there are aliens, maybe they have little fish on the back of their hovercraft. Now there is the dead fish. And where did all this fish stuff begin?
Hundreds of years ago, when Christianity was brand new, the ichthus , which means fish in Greek, was a secret sign. Scrawled furtively in the dust at the feet of two strangers, or scratched into the stone of a passageway, the symbol told others, that here was a Christian, or a place of Christian worship. In an age when being a Christian was a death sentence, the secret sign was powerful. To be Christian in those days, meant you had accepted the faith of Christ with all your heart and were not afraid of dying for Christ. It was a time of stout hearts in the Christian world.
What does the ichthus mean today? I hope it means the same thing. I hope that those who carry the sign on their cars, or business cards, or storefronts, truly are Christian, not just in their talk but in their walk. I wonder how stouthearted are we? If the Nietzsche fish, and the Darwin fish and the Shark fish turned and swam into our midst would we flee like minnows?
My nephew just bought his first car, a sweet little Toyota truck. I am very proud of him. He is a very conscientious, oldest child, a hard worker, who never complains when people ask him for help. As a young driver, he will not give his mother too much headache, I think.
I noticed that the previous owners had adhered a metallic fish to the tailgate. The fish appeared to be your usual fish, simple and, well, fish like, proclaiming the driver a Christian. Then, I realized that it was really a rack of bones. Is that the anti-Christ fish? Or maybe the Nietzsche fish---God is dead. Interesting.
What is this with the fish? The simple fish says, I am a Christian. You have the Darwin fish—which, my best guess, says I am not a Christian, I am a Darwinist. Then there is the Big Jesus fish eating the Darwin fish. There’s a thought. I have also seen a big fish with shark fins. Not sure what that is…There is also the dead Darwin fish. I really like the alien fish. It seems to say, “ Lighten up everyone. “ If there are aliens, maybe they have little fish on the back of their hovercraft. Now there is the dead fish. And where did all this fish stuff begin?
Hundreds of years ago, when Christianity was brand new, the ichthus , which means fish in Greek, was a secret sign. Scrawled furtively in the dust at the feet of two strangers, or scratched into the stone of a passageway, the symbol told others, that here was a Christian, or a place of Christian worship. In an age when being a Christian was a death sentence, the secret sign was powerful. To be Christian in those days, meant you had accepted the faith of Christ with all your heart and were not afraid of dying for Christ. It was a time of stout hearts in the Christian world.
What does the ichthus mean today? I hope it means the same thing. I hope that those who carry the sign on their cars, or business cards, or storefronts, truly are Christian, not just in their talk but in their walk. I wonder how stouthearted are we? If the Nietzsche fish, and the Darwin fish and the Shark fish turned and swam into our midst would we flee like minnows?
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