What God Hath Joined Together

What’s the big deal with marriage? Why bother getting married? Society no longer frowns upon cohabitation and there is no stigma with bearing children outside of wedlock. Quite frankly, most marriages end in divorce anyway, so why not save the trouble, and when you meet someone you connect with, just share bills and a roof until it doesn’t work anymore. Skip all the scary “promise forever” stuff. Some people spend thousands of dollars on a celebration of their love, only to have that romance crash and burn a few years later. The white dress, the fancy cake—what does it all mean? Well, nothing, nowadays-- because we have totally lost track of the meaning of marriage.
Deep in preparations for my oldest daughter’s wedding day, I am confronted with MSN’s oddly cynical series of marriage articles. Once upon a time, writes one author, marriage made sense. This author, an unmarried young sage, speculates that marriage was a worthwhile institution back when brides needed financial security, and some way to make the fathers of their children stick around. She figures that now that premarital sex is no longer taboo, and women are capable of adequate income, marriage is really a superfluous custom. In addition she cites an anthropologist who has discovered that humans are not meant to be in long-term, monogamous relationships, but are rather suited to 3-4 year commitments. (Your average three-year old is smarter than this. Children know that they deserve a mom and dad unit all the while they are growing up.) This author dismisses any faith-based considerations of marriage without discussion, simply because our society is now predominantly secular.
I have no answer for the self-centered secularist. I read these types of articles and just draw a blank, because I am looking at this thing called marriage from a whole different plane of existence. Marriage is an enigma in which one plus one is greater than two. Marriage is a man and woman working out an ongoing relationship in which children can be brought into the world in a safe, nurturing environment for the good of themselves and all of society. Strong marriages make strong families which are the building blocks of strong societies and nations. This is not an anti-romance attitude. Indeed, eros is a gift from God that gives birth to something greater. Transcendentally speaking, the loving union of a man and woman is a reflection of God’s love for them and for all humanity.
The wedding is a Christ centered event, not a bride centered event. The life journey these two young people are about to embark on is not simply about two people in love, but about two young people in love who recognize God as the indispensable center of their lives. The Christian couple knows they are not perfect, that there will be storms to weather, but they have an eye to something greater than their immediate happiness. They find their ultimate fulfillment not in each other, but in Christ. This sense of giving it up to God, actually creates a freedom within a relationship that fosters a romance that rises beyond the constraints of the world and matures into a deep, lasting contentment.
”… from this union of souls by God's decree, a sacred and inviolable bond arises. Hence the nature of this contract…, makes it entirely different both from the union of animals entered into by the blind instinct of nature alone … and also from the haphazard unions of men...” Pius XI, Castii Cannubi.
There is a lot of talk about finding a soul-mate these days. I think this is why people don’t get marriage any more. They are longing for that one person with whom they will connect completely. This is not a myth. We do have a soul-mate. Jesus Christ is our soul-mate. When He is allowed in a marriage, He is the bond that keeps couples together.